Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize