if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
