I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think my mom watched the whole time
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We got so high we made milksteak
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
