dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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