went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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