giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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