The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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