yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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