She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
