Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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