What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
