my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
