Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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