I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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