and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
