Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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