She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize