we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
