dude i'm inner monologue high
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
