so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let's get the cat blown out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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