Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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