he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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