Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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