I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
