I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
