from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I intend to get homeless drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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