you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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