so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
