chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize