You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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