He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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