AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
