I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
