He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
