hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
