I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he quoted the bible to break up with me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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