I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
