I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
