we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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