dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
