I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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