FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
