Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
