i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
