Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize