drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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