god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
