Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
