i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
