Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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