If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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