I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
