He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
