i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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