She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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