in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
