he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
