So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
