32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
