Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if only i could text you this smell
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
