my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
