my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
