i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
