im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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