We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
