So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
