No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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