I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
