Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
