There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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