Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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