Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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