don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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