He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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