I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
