So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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