so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You smell like stripper and shame
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
