ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have grass duct taped all over my body
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
